It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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