I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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