I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
