I am puke
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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