Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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