I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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