it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
