Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
