nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
sex in a hospital.. check
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
