So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
