So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
