Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
