Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
