Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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