So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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