You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
