She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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