You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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