They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize