Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
