Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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