You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
