My liver just broke up with me...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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