problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
