Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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