Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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