why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
