Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i came on her dog
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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