There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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