Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
