and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
