New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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