it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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