Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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