hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize