Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
