I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
