Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
