So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
