The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
