Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
