I wanna bring you to show and tell
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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