the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
