I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
