You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize