I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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