Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
