I'm gonna have a badass scar
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
