im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize