Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
