I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
