I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
