Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
