Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
