So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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