This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
