Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
