really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
