my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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