I have demons in me.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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