So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
