First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
