Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
