You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
