I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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