plz talk dirty to me
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
