Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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