Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We're too hungover to prance.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
