I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
