but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize