toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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