I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
