Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize