Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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