Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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