Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize