I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
