His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
