Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We have so much sex to catch up on
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
