My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
