I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
