She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
