what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
