i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
