dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
