i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize