she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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