Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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