I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
