I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
