my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He better not be in your backpack
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize