Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
