So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
