my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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