I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you told grandpa to call you daddy
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
