I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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