I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
