just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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