watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
