grandma shit on top of the toilet
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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