drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
