rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
